i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
