he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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