i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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