i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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