I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
