yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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