but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
