he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
