I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
