so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
