I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
