i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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