Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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