i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
