Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
