I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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