dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
