i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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