Moan for me like Helen Keller
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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