At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
