glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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