I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
