u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
