She is in my trunk
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
