Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
