I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
