He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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