is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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