Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
