do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
love makes seman taste better
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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