I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
