well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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