Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
