I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
