i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize