I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
