Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
