I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
