Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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