There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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