john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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