Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
