I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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