just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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