Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
