I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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