I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
