my shit smells like andre
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
