I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
