Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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