My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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