he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
