last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
