I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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