I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize