i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My ass is underappreciated
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
