It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
