i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
