I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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