I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize