i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
