So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
