In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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