one two three fourrrrnication!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
