Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
