we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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