Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I won the penis lottery.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
