Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
